That Campy 'Speed Racer' Film Looks Unbelievably Ghey

OK, who's lite-bright idea was it to let the Wachowski Brothers ghey up the "Speed Racer" movie? We're not sentimentally attached to it or anything (aside from a few Ghostface videos), but it looks like an garish, electric kool-aid acid mess mixed with the design abomination that was Bjork's Volta and Willy Wonka-flavored vomit.

Here's an idea, rather than mute the rainbow-loony comic book/cartoon ideas and make them seem more plausible (see, "Batman Begins", "Watchmen," "X-Men," i.e. most superhero/cartoon live-action adaptations), why not amplify all the cartoony, fish-eyed elements and make them snap, crackle and pop like a kaleidoscopic starbursting eyesore?

This seems to be thinking behind the Wachowski brothers anti-realism, hyper-stylized live-action rendition of their "Speed Racer" adaptation and in some ways you gotta respect their gotta-be-faithful to the original cartoon commitment and fuck-the-trends attitude.

However, did that help "The Flintstones" adaptation? Did it help any of the cartoon/super hero adaptations of the '80s and '90s? (think the Batman franchises, esp. "Batman & Robin," "Judge Dredd," "The Phantom,") Who will be the audience for this film be exactly?

Let's face it, despite the immense levels of camp, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," constituency isn't going to show up for this one, fans of George Clooney's nippled-Batman are almost non-existent and the few sci-fi geeks and internet blobs that surely get erect from the posters and trailers can't sustain an opening weekend let alone more than a few million, can they?

The trailer for this mess looks like pure candy-coated eye diarrhea; a mix of affected ping-ponging CGI, absurdist psychedelia and "Fantasia"-esque razzle-dazzle. The vibrant, kinetic visuals look like they're trying to make you feel dizzy, vertiginous and ill. The gaudy colors make us think it's aimed at pre-schoolers and the Barney crowd (there could be a raver contingent in the house in a deep K-hole, be forewarned).

Either way, it just looks dreadful! Emile Hirsch what were you thinking? The film also stars John Goodman, Matthew Fox and Christina Ricci, but last time we checked they didn't really have careers so it's not quite as an alarming move as the young Hirsch's.

It literally makes us feel phobic towards colors, but we suppose there's some kids (and adults who should know better) that just want to see a video game up on screen with lots of wow and flutter. No accounting for taste.

You'll recall that Wu-rapper Ghostface Killah successfully petitioned his way into a cameo for the upcoming, "Iron Man," film directed by Jon Favreau. Did the Wally Champ find his way into this film? Or did he wisely see the teaser last year and think to himself, "Oh snap, fuck that." This thing opens some time in May. We could give a flying fuck.

Watch: Ghostface Killah - "Daytona 500" (the video was made of edits from the original "Speed Racer" cartoon)

Watch: New "Speed Racer" trailer