Dude, Not Cool! 10 Things About 'The Dark Knight' That Aren't So Great

Holy rabid and drooling interweb fanbase Batman! "The Dark Knight!" Dark Knight, Dark Knight! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes, the Christopher Nolan directed follow-up to "Batman Begins" is pretty great, it's going to shatter all records, it's giving geeks full-on erections, it's compelling fanboys to rape and bludgeon dissenting critics and their families and it's the greatest thing since God himself invented the Earth, the universe and all good things. Yes! We fucking get it. But 'Dark Knight' is not completely flawless. In the face of all the annoying dorks slobbering over this film, we present 10 things about the Batman film that could use some fixin'. If somehow in Christ you haven't already seen this film six times already, don't read this until you've seen it.

1. Harvey Dent's "Two Face" make-up. There's a reason why super hero movies are usually never that realistic: they have to follow the tropes of the comic book and while they're fine in that fantasy little world, on screen they can look more than a little ridiculous. While Two-Face's make-up job isn't silly per se, it's not exactly realistic either. It doesn't take you exactly out of the picture, but there's a reason why the Corleone family and this film shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath (suggestions otherwise are amateur hour, frankly). As one reader aptly puts it, Two Face's burnt face "breaks the fourth wall of believability." Also, let's face it, Aaron Eckhart kind of loses it and hams it up when he becomes the scarred villain too (though he is solid in the beginning).

2. Christopher Nolan can't direct action for shit. Ok, he's improving, we'll give him that. Nothing could be as dull as the Batmobile car chase in "Batman Begins," but he's no Paul Greengrass, and while it's admirable that he likes to shoot his own action sequences in super dark and clipped sequences (ala Bourne), there are reasons a second unit was invented.

3. IMAX is too much. Only 4 our 5 scenes in Batman (the action sequences) were shot in IMAX, so for aspect-ratio fetishists, that's watching things stretched and blown-out (a purist no-no). Even then, the film is grueling and punishing enough as it is and at 2 1/2 hours, so the IMAX is like a cockpunch to your eyeballs and brain functions. Look what it did to poor Variety scribe Anne Thompson, she had to have herself a lie down afterwards she was so confused.

4. Expository dialogue. Do the bank robbers at the beginning of the film really need to say about the guy who organized the heist, "He calls himself 'The Joker'." Really? C'mon, couldn't that have come up somehow or someone could have called him, "quite the Joker" and the name stuck? It's definitely a small quibble for sure, but it's those types of things that take you out of the zone for a second and remind you this isn't real.

5. False advertising. It's a PG-13 film, but it's kind of psychologically brutalizing. As the New Yorker's David Denby says, "When Ledger wields a knife, he is thoroughly terrifying...do not, despite the PG-13 rating, bring the children." They blow up a hospital? Hello, are you heathens Timothy McVeigh? Batman fucking bitchslaps the Joker for christsakes!

6. Christian Bale's Batman voice. Was it just us or was it the Dark Knight growl and scowl more annoying and more unbelievable this time?


7. Cillian Murphy's cameo. Damn, that was a whole lot of nothing. Hope the dude got paid well.


7.5. The Latin American Mayor of Gotham wears eye shadow? Dear actor Nestor Carbonell, is this some weird method thing we're not quite grasping? Is this supposed to set the stage for his effeminate villain ways in the next film? Is he in an emo band?

8. The dangling chads in the script. Ok, so Batman jumps out a window to save Maggie Gyllenhaal, hey, pretty heroic! He saves her, whew, rad. And what happens to the Joker and his cronies and all those innocent people trapped upstairs at the Harvey Dent fundraiser? Hey, we don't know cause the director cuts to the next scene! Uhh, hello?

9. That annoying score by Hans Zimmer and that other dude. We lied, we can't think of 10 legit reasons. Aside from the tenebrous taut score being awesome in of itself, there's this excellent, buzzing, droning quality to it like an airplane about to crash that's incredibly minimalist, atonal and way out-there for a mainstream film. Steven Reich and Stockhausen would be proud.

10. Heath Ledger's acting. Lick your face much, buddy? Did he just finish eating potato chips? Just kidding!