INT. STABLE - NIGHT
"The Lone Ranger" and Tonto hustle into the stable to man their respective animals. Both men suit up into their crime fighting costumes. Lone Ranger's horse rises up from a secret elevator hidden below the barn's floor. Both men close in on the trusty steed. Lone Ranger looks docile as hell and Tonto, exclaims, with his saucy jealousness, "I want a horse, chicks dig the horse." Then, without any emotion, the Lone Ranger retorts, "This is why 'Superman' works alone."
Flash back to reality. The last time George Clooney was the leader of a dynamic duo, he ruined what was already a mediocre franchise, now he is rumored for the lead role in Disney's upcoming 'Lone Ranger' project. Johnny Depp has already been cast as Tonto in the most likely cheesy and childish money grab that will probably turn into a more tame version of "The Mask of Zorro." Can you really see George Clooney in a children's film? We can't.
Clooney is talented as is Depp, but the material here has awful written all over it. Jerry Bruckheimer and Depp helped breathe new life into Pirate movies, but if you notice, no other pirate movies are coming out besides the ones from Bruckheimer's franchise, unless you count that blatantly shameless soft core skin flick. This thing will probably succeed in killing the western as well.
This project is still way in pre-production and won't be out until 2010 and Lou Lumenick is the only person that seems to care. While taking a break from assaulting Roger Ebert, Lumenick made some comments on the idea of Clooney as 'Lone Ranger.' "George is very keen — he’s been trying to do a movie with Johnny for a long time. He thinks they’ll make the perfect on-screen partnership." He continued, "…it sounds like a truly terrible idea to me. The 75-year-old radio character’s last iteration was in 1981, when Michael Horse played Tonto in one of that decade’s worst movies, 'The Legend of the Lone Ranger.' The title role was the first and last film appearance of Klinton Spilsbury, who won Razzies for worst actor and worst newcomer. Let’s just pray Hollywood is celebrating April 1 a few months early."
I guess that we agree with the Ebert beater when we say that this thing will be awful if Clooney takes the lead.