Speaking of Wong Kar-Wai... Turns out that someone took Kanye West's "Flashing Lights" song and recut it to Wai's lush futuristic love story, "2046." Not bad, might even trump Spike Jonze's version (which an admirable idea and all, but a little dull with a slow pay-off). Either way, we're pretty sure West and his brunching pals are loving it at this moment.
Speaking of Wong Kar-Wai... Turns out that someone took Kanye West's "Flashing Lights" song and recut it to Wai's lush futuristic love story, "2046." Not bad, might even trump Spike Jonze's version (which an admirable idea and all, but a little dull with a slow pay-off). Either way, we're pretty sure West and his brunching pals are loving it at this moment.
International directors making their American English-language debut usually yield mixed results. Sometimes they can be odd failures, but wonderfully unique (Antonioni's "Zabriskie Point"), infrequently they're flat out sublime and gorgeous (Wim Wenders' "Paris, Texas") and often enough, they're downright terrible (or highly troubled) with a lots of signature style and tenor getting sadly lost in translation (Walter Salles' very meh, "Dark Water," Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritu's flawed "21 Grams," Jean-Pierre Jeunet's "Alien: Resurrection," etc.).
The great Wong Kar-Wai's U.S. debut, "My Blueberry Nights" unfortunately falls squarely into the terrible zone of things. Known for his sumptuous cinematography and his moody, poetic and lyrical takes on unrequited love, 'Nights' contains all of those characteristic elements minus the elegant touch, clumsily handled and pushed into the red. None of the masterful curves with which his films gracefully move along are there. Instead, 'Nights' feels like caricature of a Wong Kar-Wai film.
The plot, if one can even use that word, is mostly non-existent and meandering at best. A very insecure Norah Jones stars as Elizabeth, a young, pretty 20-something who randomly walks into a New York (Williamsburg?) diner/coffee shop owned by Judd Law. She realizes her boyfriend is cheating on her with a regular from the joint and after her anger subsides, she soon starts frequenting the place herself to enjoy late-evening conversations with Law that usually include the perennially under-appreciated menu item: blueberry pies (cue the groans). Their flirtations grow, as do the frequency of her late-night jaunts reminiscing over lost loves and experiences.
Just as their coquetry starts to blossom, she flakes and inexplicably takes off to Memphis. Jones' acting is tentative and unassured, but her character seems to have no trouble finding jobs in diners and bars in the River City. Soon she's at the axis of a broken down marriage between drunken police chief David Strathairn and his hot, floozy wife (Rachel Weisz) in the booze hole she works (both Strathairn and Weisz are horribly miscast, but the latter does play the part of hot rather surprisingly well). Starthairn pile drives his sorrows with a battery of alcoholic assaults every evening, Weisz cavorts with local young things and Jones acts as spectator sometimes acting as a shoulder to lean on for the lit-up lush.
As you might imagine, booze, jealousy and cops ends badly and Jones once again takes off this time for the random local of Nevada where she runs into the brassy and sassy gambling addict Natalie Portman (bad blond dye job and all). Portman convinces the struggling, now cocktail waitress Jones to put her savings into a sure bet that naturally goes sour. The risk-taking fiend hands over her luxury car, but not before taking one last trip in it to see her dying father.
Does this seem rambling enough for you? Eventually, Jones finds her way back into New York and sort-of back into the arms of Jude Law and his delectable pie treats. Sound trite? That's cause it is.
All the while the film is shot in an overwrought style of excessive color and smeared lipstick neon by normally-exquisite cinematographer Darius Khondji (who beautifully lensed Fincher's "Seven" and "Stealing Beauty" for Bertolucci). Wai's films are typically known for the gorgeous photography of Christopher Doyle, but without him, not only does the director seem lost at sea, the film's visual aesthetics almost play as a spoof of lush filmmaking their so overblown and overdone. A repeating motif throughout - shot in a stuttering, slow-motion effect - of oozing ice cream over top of blueberry pie means to represent a burning eros, but brought nothing but snickering from the audience we saw it with. The camera often from a distance, watches outside of windows with swirls of stops lights or neon glowing over the images and after a while it becomes sickeningly masturbatory.
Sadly, the best scene in the film is left up to the movie's biggest acting amateur, Cat Power, aka Chan Marshall (whose music guides many of the New York scenes). Her brief, but powerful scene as Law's ex-girlfriend who pops in for a random visit to the diner is magnetically alive with a rush of conflicting emotions. The scene perfectly, sadly and painfully captures that moment when two ex-lovers who haven't seen each other in what feels like forever, see each other again - as if for the first time. They share the exciting flash of comforting recognition, the fleeting melancholy of what once was and the nervous electricity inherent between former flames when the spark hasn't quite subsided. It's a devastatingly bittersweet scene and does show off the enormous talent everyone working on the film possess, but it's all too brief and far too late.
"My Blueberry Nights" tries to be a sumptuous dessert of amour and lust, but ends up being an excessively gooey and syrupy overkill of melodrama and style. [C]
Fluff-culture obsessed site Videogum can't photoshop for shit, but they did hip us to the fact that Michael Chabon's original script for the "Spider Man" sequel is online at McSweeney's at the moment (and presumably for a limited time only? Someone's going to ask for that thing to get pulled down).
Jigga what? Yes, remember that the Pulitzer Prize winning author of "The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" was once hired to pen the sequel to Sam Raimi's original "Spider-Man" movie.
But it never happened or at least, very little of his work showed up onscreen. The overwrought Spidey 2 script where Tobey Maguire fights Doctor Octopus (Alfred Molina) barely contained any traces of Chabon's whimsy and instead his credit was reduced to a single story one (not a screenplay one).
Well, anywho, it's up there for anyone that wants to read it. Presumably it's better than the movie version, contains issues of bisexuality and Jewishness identity, but probably doesn't contain enough action for geeks. Vgum says it's like "reading Pulitzer Prize winning fan fiction." We say "whateves," and prolly won't read it cause all we do with our stupid life is blog.
Update: Ok, for whatever inexplicable reason, we tried to read Chabon's script this weekend and failed because we got bored. And more importantly, it seemed exactly the same as the final movie. Admittedly, we're not experts on this film, but it's been on TV enough that we've rewatched parts here and there, but is the whole script like this? The first 20-30 minutes seemed indentical to the final film (we got up to the part where Spiderman takes J. Jonah James to the rooftop to talk). Does it change at all? Does Chabon deserve a real screenwriting credit? Did anyone read in full? We're curious what the differences are, but if we have to finish that film and rewatch the film, we might have to kill ourselves.
Ridiculous 'Plot' Of Tarsem
Singh's New 'The Fall' Allows Filmmaker To Honor Commitment To Making Pretentious-Looking Twaddle
Presented by David Fincher and Spike Jonze, the new film by Tarsem
Singh (oh wait, sorry he's jettisoned the last name, now it's just Tarsem) is called "The Fall." Wait, who? You don't have to apologize if you forget who Peter Pan, excuse us, Tarsem is. Starting out as a video director (his big break was the nonsensical video for R.E.M.'s lyrically nonsensical hit single, "Losing My Religion"), the Indian-American filmmaker then directed the lush, visually arresting and utterly retarded, psychodrama that all takes place in the mind, "The Cell" starring Jennifer Lopez.
Released in 2000, "The Cell" was celebrated for its stunning, often absurd-looking cinematography, but generally laughed out the door for its pompous, very deep, and shallow attempts at "logic" and being abstract. Tinkerbell's latest fantasy effort looks equally ridiculous and yet another excuse to make pretty, pretentious and colorful images go along with a "story."
Los Angeles, circa 1920‘s, a little immigrant girl (Catinca Untaru) finds herself in a hospital recovering from a fall. She strikes up a friendship with a bedridden man (Lee Pace) who captivates her with a whimsical story that removes her far from the hospital doldrums into the exotic landscapes of her imagination. Making sure he keeps the girl interested in the story he interweaves her family and people she likes from the hospital into his tale.So it's kind of a capricious bonding fairy tale/adventure story with lots of faggy-looking costumes, arrows being dodged, elephants swimming in oceans, lithe, sweaty-ripped slaves carrying royalty, monkeys (monkeys are a must) and other elements of characteristically senseless twaddle. The film stars... well, nobody really, and essentially looks like a collection of pretentious, Salvador Dali-looking surrealist tableaux's and eye-candy for color-correction lab nerds.
You couldn't pay us to see this, but you know what? You'd expect "The Cell" to have been a huge bomb, and critically it was (naturally). But the film only cost $33 mill and eventually made $100 million with foreign receipts. Maybe the European art houses will eat up this silly, daydreaming tripe. Count us out. To experience the full-effect of this film's ostentatious and self-fellating absurdity one must experience the Apple trailer in all it's overwrought glory (but it's below if you just wanna watch the regular shit version).
If Questionably Tasteful Scenes From 'The Dark Knight' Are Cut Because Of Heath Ledgers Death, Have The Terrorists Won?
The bloodthirsty filmgeek mob picketed around the gates of Warner Bros. can take their torches and pitchforks to a different wing of the WB lot and let the 'Wild Things' execs have a breather for the moment.
Something more pressing is afoot. A rumor from nerd ground control has fired up the air raid alarm because apparently scenes from the upcoming Chris Nolan Batman sequel, "The Dark Knight" have been cut.
Cinemablend has heard that questionable tasteful scenes involving Heath Ledger in the movie may never make the light of day because of the way they reflect his tragic and untimely death.The scene in question involves Ledger’s Joker character "pretending to be dead and being pictured in a body bag." They write:
Apparently the aftershocks of Ledger’s unfortunate death are such that many in the screening reacted rather badly to this moment and now execs are considering excising the scene altogether.For the geeks this is heresy. Forget his family or his daughter who one day grow up and no doubt inevitably see the scene if it does indeed makes the film, the nerd constituency will consider this an affront to humanity if the segment gets cut. Of course the overreactions fly fast and furious. "To butcher [Ledger's final performance] for the sake of a few overly sensitive people in a screening seems like reactionary bullshit," Cinemablend wrote.
The news spread like wildfire. Slashfilm's surprisingly cautious post on the matter has already generated 80 comments. One sage commenter writes, "It should be kept in the film. People need to stop being sissies. Death is a part of life."
It's fun to watch B-movie nerdlingers get into a lather, Of course it's just a rumor and it could all be BS and MovieHole is claiming just that.
A source close to the “The Dark Knight” told us this morning that the film remains in-tact – and nothing of Ledger’s will be cut from the movie, including the body-bag scene. ‘’I KNOW for a fact that that scene is in the film. I also know that WB has made no such mandate and that Chris [Nolan] is honest when saying that he will not change what was intended with The Joker.”Meltdown averted, have a nice day. All's well that ends well. Move the terror alert back down to caution. OR IS IT??
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay Soundtrack Features Mark Ronson, Ghostface, Ice Cube, Mickey Avalon, Jacki-O and Boyz II Men; Due April 15
If the trailer is any indication, April could be a pretty good month for stupid comedy. "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay," hits theaters April 25 and 10 days earlier on April 15, the surprisingly decent soundtrack is due both in digital and physical versions via Lakeshore records.
Featuring music from Mark Ronson, Ghostface Killah, Nate Dogg, Saigon, Ice Cube, Mickey Avalon, 311 , the synopsis for 'Harold & Kumar II' is this:
The same morning that Harold and Kumar eat at White Castle, Harold learns that Maria, the girl he lusts after, has set off for Amsterdam. The pair decide to pursue her so Harold can proclaim his love. However, an overzealous airline passenger mistakes Kumar for a terrorist, and the plane is diverted as the duo get stuck in a case of mistaken identity.Stupid enough, right? The tunes on the disc are the base, fun-stupid hip-hop, especially the amusing "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon and "Pussy (Real Good)" by Jacki-O (a sometimes Ghostface collaborator too). The rest of the disc is rounded out by what will no doubt be idiotically/fun movie-music moments in the film by Poison, Boyz II Men and The Knux.
Not sure what else there is to say about it all, it ain't rocket science, just stupid LOLz, but 'H&K:EFGB' has a surprisingly strong 71% recommendation rating on RottenTomatoes currently. To see it or not to see it? Ask yourself, what would NPH do? You know in your heart, he holds the answer.
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay tracklist
1. Ooh Wee - Mark Ronson featuring Nate Dogg, Ghostface Killah, Trife & Saigon
2. My Dick - Mickey Avalon
3. Cappuccino - The Knux
4. Check Yo Self (The Message Remix) - Ice Cube
5. My Stoney Baby- 311
6. Chinese Baby - Viva La Union
7. Nothin? But A Good Time - Poison
8. P***y (Real Good) - Jacki-O
9. It?s So Hard to Say Goodbye (To Yesterday) - Boyz II Men
10. In the Beginning - K?Naan
11. Gospel Weed Song - Bizarre
12. All That I Want - Curtis Murphy Syndicate
13. The Merkin Medley - George S. Clinton
'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' Soundtrack Features Belle & Sebastian, Frank Black, Cake, Os Mutantes, Jason Segel; More
Judd Apatow's next romance disaster comedy, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," is right around the corner (April 18 release), so it's no surprise that the soundtrack is arriving a little early on April 15.
The soundtrack features a few familiar faces, the most immediate being Michael Andrews' (who scored Apatow's 'Walk Hard') excellent side-project with L.A. ingenue Inara George called, The Bird & The Bee. Lead actor (who also wrote the screenplay) Jason Segel - who also did some signing on the "Freaks & Geeks" show and soundtrack - sings a track and as does Russell Brand via the movie's fake band Infant Sorrow.
To back up a bit: in the film Segel is dating the successful TV actress Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell) and she dumps him in favor of the equally-famous Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) who is the lead singer of popular "cause-rockers" Infant Sorrow, get it? Brand's "band" contributes two tracks to the soundtrack which are already disseminating virally (see below). Other artists on the soundtrack disc include indie-friendly bands as Belle & Sebastian, The Pixies solo man Frank Black (using his Black Francis moniker), sanctified Brazilian psych-rockers Os Mutantes and Jesse Harris, who scored the indie-rock friendly soundtrack for "The Hottest State" (the soundtrack is rounded out by jamband favorites Cake, Jamaican ska and reggae artist Desmond Dekker and Transcenders/J7 D'Star)
We're honestly not sure who the Coconutz are. On the soundtrack (and presumably in the film) they cover Prince's/Sinead O' Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U," R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" and the Lee Hazlewood/Nancy Sinatra classic, "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'," but we suspect it's probably some group within-the-film group or something like that (some supergroup, Kid Creole's ex-pals? Bueller?). Another fake-sounding band is Aloha Sex Juice who sing Extreme's "More Than Words." Even 'Marshall' composer Lyle Workman's official site and myspace page have no clues (we can't believe we got this foiled). Workman also scored 'Superbad" and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," has a worked as a touring guitarist with Beck and worked extensively with the aforementioned Frank Black on commercial jingles (perhaps he's one of the Coconutz? We wouldn't be surprised.)
Update: It's no major cover-up conspiracy or super-group. A reader points us to the fact that the Coconutz is helmed by Grammy-award winning Hawaiian musician Daniel Ho (corroborated by the soundtrack's production credits and the Honolulu Advertiser).
The film's marketing campaign has been wildly creative and ubiquitous, but maybe a bit much for some who have been turned off by - and missing the humor of - it's rejection and dejected, "You DO look fat in those pants Sarah Marshall" campaign (which has been leading to a mini-backlash of sorts).
A shitload of playing-it-straight viral campaigns have been started to get the word out. There's Jason Segel's blog - written in bitterly rejected character (Peter Bretter) - , there's "Crime Scene," the fake-NBC show that Kristen Bell's Sarah Marshall character stars in (the tagline being, "Sex Crimes Just Got A Little Sexier," the "show" co-stars Billy Baldwin) , complete with a real website on NBC full of fake clips for the nonexistent show and there's the fake Sarah Marshall fansite devoted to "Crime Scene" and its star.
There's also the myspace music page for Infant Sorrow, which features their songs and amusing riffs on getting behind PC causes (but getting it all wrong of course - "Fight Back Against Violence" being just one example). Even Jonah Hill's minor character in the movie (Matt the waiter) has his own myspace page.
After the middling "Drillbit Taylor," and the funny, but perhaps slightly underwhelming 'Marshall' trailer, we were sure this one was going to be a bust too, but early reports are very favorable and the film currently sits at a incredibly positive 92% rating on RottenTomatoes.
"Forgetting Sarah Marshall" soundtrack tracklist
1. Love You Madly - Cake
2. We've Got to do Something - Infant Sorrow
3. You Can't Break a Heart and Have It - Black Francis
4. Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying - Belle & Sebastian
5. More Than Words - Aloha Sex Juice
6. Dracula's Lament - Jason Segal
7. Inside of You - Infant Sorrow
8. F*****g Boyfriend - The Bird and the Bee
9. Intensified '68 - Desmond Dekker
10. Nothing Compares 2 U - The Coconutz
11. Baby - Os Mutantes
12. These Boots Are Made For Walkin' - The Coconutz
13. A Taste for Love - The Coconutz
14. The Secret Sun - Jesse Harris
15. Everybody Hurts - The Coconutz
16. Animal Instincts - Transcenders/J7 D'Star
Watch: Infant Sorrow - "We've Gotta Do Something"
Watch: Infant Sorrow - Inside Of You
ShortCuts: 'Sex &The City' Soundtrack Gets Fergie, Hudson; Thurson Narrates Straight-Edged Documentary; Alicia Keys Homages Spike Lee
Sonic Youth elder Thurston Moore recently narrated National Geographic's "Inside Straight Edge" TV documentary. For those not in the know, "straight-edge" is the strangely zealous punk phenomenon usually adopted by wildly naive and idealistic teenagers whose natural (and correct) inclination to dull their self-loathing senses with copious amounts of alcohol and cheap drugs is superseded by a hilariously contrarian and militant desire for clean, unencumbered living. The phenomenon was popularized by the militant Washington D.C. hardcore band Minor Threat in the early '80s, who managed, against all odds, to become quite upstanding and normal adults, despite living their awkward teenage years in painfully aware soberness. [TheDailySwarm]
Details of the upcoming "Sex & The City" feature-length film plot are being guarded as closely as a mid-town Prada store, but some information on the soundtrack has leaked. Apparently Black Eyed Pea singer/actress Fergie has recorded the film's opening number, "Labels & Love." Director Michael Patrick King says, “It’s an entirely new song with lyrics, but it has the Sex and the City theme as the DNA — on steroids.” MC Jack Splash and Gnarls Barkley’s Cee-Lo wrote the film's closing credits song, “All Dressed Up in Love,” which will be sung by Jennifer Hudson, who also stars in the film as Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie Bradshaw)'s assistant. [Hollywood Insider]
R&B songstress Alicia Keys' upcoming video for "Teenage Love Affair," will pay cinematic homage to Spike Lee's 1988 classic film, "School Daze," a comedic look at black college life. "It's cool to be able to honor Spike and an iconic movie by making it up-to-date and giving it new edge 20 years later," Keys said. [EW]
The documentary, "Beautiful Losers" (which was scored by sometimes Beastie Boy collaborator Money Mark) is finally getting a theatrical release. Directed by Aaron Rose, the film features a loose-knit group of like minded underground outsiders artists (adults that refuse to grow up) and features appearances by agit-prop designer Shepard Fairey, professional skater Ed Templeton, San Fransican folk artist Margaret Kilgallen, graffiti artist Barry McGee, Jo Jackson, childlike painter Chris Johanson, filmmaker and graphic designer Geoff McFetridge, director Mike Mills ("Thumbsucker"), Stephen Powers, director Harmony Korine ("Kids"), painter Thomas Campbell & more...[Daily Swarm]
Watch: Commercial for "Inside Straight Edge"
Watch: "Beautiful Losers" trailer
Watch: Musical Scene from Spike Lee's "School Daze"
The New York Times has got a great little feature on all the drama surrounding the "The Incredible Hulk" reboot film that Marvel is producing themselves and things are not looking good for the second go-round of the expensive comic-book adaptation.
Is the Hulk character cursed? As the Gray Lady noted, the film has bad buzz (the CGI looks like shit, the trailer was picked apart by nerds who normally eat this shit up like free Sundaes), there's been lots of public in-fighting (Edward Scissorhands Norton is trying to impress his sway upon the hapless director) and what they're calling "Superhero gridlock" at the box office ("Iron Man," “The Dark Knight” and “Hancock” which stars Will Smith as an unsociable superhero all arrive this summer).
Obviously, Ang Lee's version bombed and with good reason (you are doomed if you try and argue this point), it was dreadful for any movie, not even by lowered comic-book standards and was cartoonish in every bad connotation imaginable (the cast was great on paper, but the execution was laughable on every level). Lee's "Hulk" cost $150 million to make and did a underachieving $132 million in tickets in North America (and apparently did poorly overseas).
The do-over is set for June 13. Some choice quotes throughout the piece (We're glad we're not the only ones who think it looks like mediocre ass):
"There are people who clearly don’t think it looks good and are expecting a bomb,” said Doug Creutz, an entertainment analyst at Cowan & Company.
Entertainment Weekly pronounced the computer-generated effects “totally fake-looking,” while obsessedwithfilm.com deemed the project “just hideous.”And apparently, the micro-managing Norton, who co-wrote the script, won't cooperate with promoting the film if he doesn't get his way (the director Louis Leterrier is the nobody who did 'The Transporter 2,' so you know dude is getting pushed around).
The chairman of Marvel Studios is in full-on euphemism damage control mode all around. “When you get to this point in the process, there are always lots of passionate discussions,” he told the Times. “Edward is very passionate. He is as passionate about the Hulk as we are.”
Fandango, ranks the film as the fourth “most anticipated new character portrayal” of the summer. (Over all the movie ranked as the seventh “most anticipated summer 2008” movie, not exactly stellar numbers)
The Times notes that even the usually grossly fawning Stan Lee is sounding a little cool when it comes to the 'Hulk' reboot project. “My prediction is that it will be more popular than the last one,” he said. On the other hand, his thoughts about "Iron Man"? “Enormous hit,” he said.
Naturally, the film will do well. But will it exceed expectations or match those of the deservedly-pissed on Lee film? Seems unlikely. This one seems destined for disappointment anyway you slice it. We'd be lying if we said all this doom saying didn't leave us with a little bit of schadenfreude (for the record, we didn't make that image and we do like Norton a lot, but we thought it was amusing and yes, he does seem rather meddlesome).
Not only has sensationalist director Oliver Stone not made a good film in about 17 years ("JFK"), but many of the pictures he has made in that time have been the most wretched, insipid pieces of laughable cinema in recent memory ("Natural Born Killers," "Alexander"; though "Any Given Sunday," did have some good unintentional comedy to it).
In keeping with this trend, you've obviously heard that Stone is planning on rush-releasing, "W.," a biopic about the Bush administration this year, and as quickly as he can before Dubya goes out of office in November to capitalize on whatever residual apathetic hatred the country has for him.
We're not the first people to think this film will likely be a comedy, or more accurately, an unintentional comedy.
As you've likely read, much of the principal players in Bush's cabal have been cast: Josh Brolin will play the bumbling president, Elizabeth Banks will portray professional flower admirer/first lady Laura Bush, Thandie Newton will up the sex-kitten factor of the sexless Condie Rice, and former 'Daily Show' correspondent Rob Corddry will bring the funny as perpetually smarmy White House press secretary Ari Fleischer. Additional cast members will include George Cromwell as the senile George Sr. and Ellen Burstyn who is far too good of an actress to waste her talents on the layabout wallflower first lady Barbara Bush. Fey and limp-wristed British
lapdog Prime Minister Tony Blair will be portrayed by the effeminate-looking Ioan Gruffudd.
However, many of the principal players and advisers in Bush's Vulcan cadre cabinet have still not been cast. The film can't possibly go on without them and the announcement as to who will play who must be imminent. So as we're wont to do, The Playlist offers what we believe are our very fine casting suggestions.
Brian Cox as Dick Cheney
Cheney's contemptuous glaze and his petulant, wicked mien is Death Star-worthy. Brian Cox is a thespian who can turn into a pitbull at the drop of a dime and would be perfect to play the ill-tempered war architect. Hell, he's already played the part in various films. What's one more role as a politician who's pure pestilent evil incarnate? We suggest Brian Cox immediately begin tearing the wings off of baby doves to prepare for the role of the habitually irritable VP.
Wayne "Newman" Knight as Karl Rove
Rove's self-satisfied smug grin was always one you wished you had the immunity to slap off his unctuous fat face (Not to mention that whole creepy pedophile thing he's got going on). So, who better to play one of the craftiest weasels of all time then one of TV's most nefarious and weaselly vermin, Newman from "Seinfeld"? You know the extra sweaty oiliness he could bring to the role would make him that much more detestable. It'll be like his turn in "Jurassic Park," except instead of his evil bumbling leading to dinosaurs running amok, he helps create a whole new generation of battle hardened terrorists who want to kill our children's children. Hello Jerry...
Robert Wuhl as Donald Rumsfeld
Wuhl is one of our most hated actor of all time, hands down, which makes him a natural fit to play the evil and nefarious Rummy. His vile, hammy mugging and his stupid wretched face... (wait- Rummy or Wuhl? Oh yeah, both.) We've loathed Wuhl for years (he loves getting cast as a sportswriter and came up with the horrible "Arli$$" TV show premise himself). So, he might not look the part exactly, but he'll be plenty easy for us to hate! And with some Grandpa specs, some graying make-up, and a few pounds gained, he could perfectly play the one of the most crude and shifty villains that ever lived.
James Earl Jones As Colin Powell
If anyone in Bush's cabinet had a shred of dignity for most of their tenure it was probably Colin Powell, who then basically flushed all that good-will down the toilet when he was hoodwinked into presenting a bunch of horseshit 'evidence' in front of the U.N.to make the case for war. So who better to play him than the Emperor's very own hand-puppet, the voice of Lord Darth Vader? We can see it now, that part in the resigns his post and goes into hiding, a bitter and betrayed man who squandered his legacy on an unethical administration. Kinda like his role as 'Terry Mann' in the first half of "Field of Dreams." And just as in 'Dreams,' we can envision a sequel when a young man with a vision, in this case named Barack Obama convinces the crazy, bitter old kook to come out of retirement for one last shot at glory...
According to a leaked script obtained by ABC, the film "a classic American story," and shows Bush in his prime, boozing too much, living in the shadow of his esteemed father and suddenly finding a purpose in life; getting religion, giving up alcohol and attempting to not be such a jackass. But does his desire to impress daddy put the rest of the world in danger? The Hollywood Reporter got their hands on the same script (talk about White House leaks) and they sent it to four Bush biographers; one of them who said the screenplay, "Leaves you with the impression that the White House is run as a fraternity." See? Talk about bringing the Lol's.
One things for sure, all of the players involved in the film, especially Stone are going to have problems with the IRS come tax time 2009.
Thanks to the invaluable help of contributor Mr. Snruff on this post.
4. 11.08, Update: Three pages of the allegedly real script are up on the Hollywood Reporter site. Get it before it goes down. Bush calls Rove a "turdblossom" on page one, ahahaha.
Does The 'Indiana Jones Crystal Skulls' Soundtrack Contain Plot Spoilers? Do You Even Give A Rats Ass?
The tracklist for "Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls" soundtrack has leaked and people who care to have looked closely enough have noted that the songtitles for John Williams score contain plot spoilers (what shit blows up? Indy makes a reference to being too old or gets scared of snakes?).
We honestly haven't looked closely enough or care at all to examine what it reveals, but the super-nerds over at the newly-launched pop-culture obsessives site Videogum have done a meticulous job of wading through the bullshit of these song titles to bring "meaning" and "insight" to the "plot" of this "movie." We pity the person that got handed that assignment. Best of luck with that.
"Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls" tracklist.
01 "Raiders March"
02 "Call Of the Crystal"
03 "The Adventures of Mutt"
04 "Irina's Theme"
05 "The Snake Pit"
06 "The Spell of the Skull"
07 "A Whirl Through Academe"
08 "The Journey To Akator"
10 "The Jungle Chase"
11 "Orellana's Cradle"
12 "Grave Robbers"
13 "Hidden Treasure and the City of Gold"
14 "Secret Doors And Scorpions"
15 "Oxley's Dilemma"
17 "Temple Ruins and the Secret Revealed"
18 "The Departure"
Posted by Rodrigo Perez at 12:27 PM
As you know by now, geeks on the interwebs want to throw German video-game-adapting director hack Uwe Boll into permanent director jail for all the transgressions he has made against schlock cinema (after all there are some beloved standards to uphold, see Eli Roth). Boll was recently alerted to the existence of an online poll that asked for his banishment from film and the Teutonic filmmaker said he would indeed quit if one million signatures were signed.
This of course drove the B-movie website enthusiasts into a lather and their campaign made the signatures skyrocket (currently stands at over 160,000). Boll responded in an YouTube video clip where he randomly lashed out at Eli Roth, Michael Bay and George Clooney (about the former two he basically said, "you bitch about my films? What about those two retarded hacks?"). Roth responded and late day yesterday and so did the exploding-happy Bay who responded via his official message boards (via Slash) with the equivalent of, "'who is this fucking Swedish directing gnat?"
"I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard," Bay wrote dismissively. "He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care?' Not in the slightest."
Will Boll quit after one million signatures? Surely this petition will peter out after 200,000 when everyone moves on to a more retarded story. This one's 15 minutes are almost up.
Errol Morris, he of the heavy and solemn (at least recently, "Fog of War," the upcoming Abu Ghraib scandal film, "Standard Operating Procedure") political-doc mien isn't exactly known as the king of comedy, but regardless, is going to try his hand at a comedic film according to the Hollywood Reporter.
This strikes many as odd, and it is being that he is a documentarian first, but let's not forget that Morris did already try his hand at fiction with mostly disastrous results back in 1991 with the film, "The Dark Wind" Didn't see it? Don't worry, no one else did either (it starred C-lister Lou Diamond Phillips in a plot about something or other with Indian reservations - naturally).
The film already has a title, "The End of Everything," and its random "plot" is apparently supposed to involves a wingless bird, "Gone With the Wind" author Margaret Mitchell, a volcano and Laura Bush. Okkkkk, then. Let's hope it's not too much on the wacky side (sounds a little disparate like, "Fast, Cheap & Out of Control," but fiction and funny?)
Morris said he wants to prove he has the comedic skills to pay the bills (hey, "Vernon, Florida" is hilarious, but that's a doc). "I'm a funny guy, and I'd like to make something funny now," he said. "I can't see myself making one political film after another. I'm glad I made these two movies, but I'd like to do something different."
Defamer recently asked, Does Confident Errol Morris Have the Film to Break the Iraq Box Office Curse?, with 'Standard Op,' which is wildly absurd posit considering Ryan Phillipe and Abbie Cornish couldn't do it with "Stop Loss," but then again, it was just a headline.
Ever since as far back as 1988's masterful, "The Thin Blue Line," Morris has used reenactments in documentaries (in fact the technique was so powerful and new in that film, they ushered in a wave of cheap reenactments, mostly for bad TV shows that didn't have the footage to give you the proper context) and 'Standard Op' is no different. As Vulture points out, he's taken a lot of heat for it over the years from more steadfast and purist documentarians, but speaking to the New York Magazine blog he defended his position and technique, yet again.
"It's a movie taking you into a series of photographs. How do you take someone into the moment that a photograph is taken? How do you create a context around it? I did it in this movie with retrospective accounts, first-person accounts of the people who were there when the pictures were taken, and things that bring you into that moment. No reenactments, no movie" (as they also point out, he goes on at length about reenactments on his New York Times blog, Zoom, which is all about an intellectual take on our relationship to photographs).
"Standard Operating Procedure" is in theaters on April 25 (we missed our screening earlier in March, oh well, see you in line, pleebs!). The score is surprisingly not handled by the great Phillip Glass this time out, but instead composed by Danny Elfman. We also thought this doc might just be about the two most homeliest soldiers to ever fall in love, but we were wrong.
Download: Phillip Glass - "End Credits" (from "The Thin Blue Line")
Download: Phillip Glass - "Turko Part One" (from "The Thin Blue Line")
Watch: Standard Operating Procedure trailer
At a recent junket for "Chapter 27," lead actor Jared Leto was asked by MTV what he thought of the "Fight Club" musical idea proposed by director David Fincher and he pretty much laughs the idea off. “I think that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” the "Fight Club" star said in insouciant rock-star disbelief mode. “Could you imagine?"
"I’m gonna bite my tongue," he said attempting not offend anyone, namely Fincher. "You never know. It smells like disaster but it could be genius. I have no idea.” Hey, we agree with Jared Leto for once. This could be a first!
But dudes, you would have had him at Trent Reznor had you told him that Nine Inch Nails could be involved. He is a rocker after all.
Some idiots on a morning radio show calle the Morning Sludge recently interviewed Edward Norton and asked him about the "Fight Club" musical idea and before he could respond with anything substantial they played him a pretty unfunny and stupid fake spoof they concocted which made him chuckle. He actually asked them to email it to him as well. It's not very funny though.
Jezebel alerts us to that fact that bum-baring actress and indie-rock enthusiast Natalie Portman is dating Charles Manson, aka fruitcake hippie indie-folk artist Devendra Banhart.
We think it's cute that they're casually strolling trough Tompkins Square Park (?) wearing matching jackets and look like hipster clones of one another and yes, while we usually post these pics in mocking response, no it's not on Stereogum, BVegan or Pitchfork as news yet, but the day is young, 2, 3, 4,... Oh and note, he's carrying a purse and she's not, umm...
You'll recall that when Portman curated her indie-rock charity mix for Itunes (that's a charity mix for Itunes, not catering to indie-rock out of personal charity), Big Change: Songs for FINCA (Foundation for International Community Assistance) she included an exclusive track by one Devendra Banhart called, "There's Always Something Happening" (indeed there is!).
Maybe she had the inside track into his hairy nested scrotum-beard all the way October of last year, huh?
Do we smell a collaboration? Hey, Gael Garcia Bernal appeared on a Banhart record, anything is possible, right? A collabo of sorts, is happening: Portman will star in the freaky video for the aforementioned charity song (note: no song changed anyone's life in this post).
German Director Uwe Boll Responds To Internet Petition That Demands His Filmmaking Resignation; Pronounces Himself 'Genius' Yet Again
Ah, good old Uwe Boll. You can always trust him for A-1 laughs and entertainment. So of course, just yesterday we wrote about the online petition now signed by almost 150,000 nerds that basically demands that the schlocky video-game director Boll quit making movies because they're soo awful (shit like 'Blood Rayne')
In a very recent interview, Boll said he'd actually quit if one million signatures were signed and of course estimable nerd sites and champions of quality cinema (like third-graders AintItCoolNews) rant with that quote and took up the challenge (and geeks who would love to see quality versions of 'DickChase Battle III' responded in droves).
As you'd imagine, the thin-skinned, megalomaniacal and near-psychotic Boll has responded online in a clip posted on YouTube (via Slash) and it's as amusing as you'd expect.
Through his thick German accent Boll says he wishes someone would start a pro-Boll petition and hopes one million people will sign that one (pssst, dude, you can start it yourself, but best of luck). His response is characteristically aggrandizing and melodramatic and of course wildly flails at contemporaries around him like Michael Bay and Eli Roth (filmmakers that these nerd sites pushing the petition generally enjoy).
"I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business or Eli Roth making the same shitty movie over and over again," he said. "If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius. And if you go on May 23 to see [my upcoming film] 'Postal,' you will see that I deliver a movie that nobody else delivered in the last 10 years; that is way better than all the social critic, George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend. So, you have to really wake up and see me [for] what I am: the only fucking genius in the business."
However, the thing about Boll (and Germans in general), is his Sahara-dry sense of humor. You never really know when he's joking or trying to provoke. These over-the-top proclamations of his filmmaking genius could easily be a sly, tongue in cheek joke to provoke Internet nerds, but dude is so stone-faced, you'd never know it.
Having proclaimed in the 'Postal' trailer (wearing Lederhosen and ghey German Oktoberfest hat no less) that the film was funded with Nazi bullion shows that the dude can be self-reflexive, self-aware and self-flagellating, but the director will also fly critics out to various U.S. locations get their teeth knocked in boxing matches if you piss him off enough, so he's also pretty humorless.
You be the judge. Something tells us, it's a little of both. Date-rape decalathonist and shlocky torture-porn director, Eli Roth has already responded to the video on his myspace blog, calling the video and diss, "the greatest compliment ever."
So the headline sort of says it all, no? When one thinks "Spectacular Regret," and jackass rapper 50 Cent, one thinks of the time he arrogantly boasted he would destroy opponent Kanye West in a first week sales album contest or quit the music business.
Toughguy, not only lost the contest miserably, he reneged on his promised to retire (what a failure pile). Another regret of fiddy's might be every time he opens his mouth or times when he mocks his adversaries like Fat Joe coming off like a bitter 3-year-old, but regardless, no.
"Spectactular Regret," is actually the name of an upcoming film project 50's in talks to act in according to Variety. 50 (nee Curtis Jackson) will play a death row inmate whose imminent execution has made him a cause celebre. The film will also star Danny Huston, John Ortiz, and Kelli Garner and will be directed by actor turned filmmaker Joshua Leonard ("Blair Witch Project") who also scripted the indepedently financed movie.
50 has what appears to be a small part in the upcoming Deniro/Pacino film, "Righteous Kill" if one can go by his ever-so-brief appearance in the film's trailer.
Legion Of Online Movie Bloggers Already Enamored With Shitty Movies Try To Position Extra-Shitty Director Out Of A Filmmaking Job
Apparently there's a difference between your average shitty films and really deplorably shitty films. While most geek movie bloggers the world round will go apeshit, praising mediocre dreck like "Transformers," Shoot 'Em Up," "Hostel," "The Transporter 2," "Hellboy," and every comic-book related graphic novel/fantasy idea under the sun, they draw the line... where? Well, at German director Uwe Boll of course.
So yeah, movie bloggers aren't the most discerning lot in the world, even espousing lavish thumbs up for action films starring Jason Statham, but the video-game adaptations of Boll ("BloodRayne II: Deliverance," and "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale") tend to inspire some of the greatest and deepest hatred online.
In the geek world, Boll is abhorred which sort of makes him like a leper with an outbreak of AIDS on his already inflamed genital sores.
Anywho, Fear.net did an interview with Boll and made him aware of an online petition signed by 18,000 requesting that he stop making movies. Duly unimpressed (dude is German, yo), Boll said it would take up to one million signatures to convince him to stop making films.
Champions of finely crafted aesthetics and defenders of good-taste cinema like BloodyDisgusting.com and AintItCool.com, Slashfilm, Cinematical and other geeks took up the challenge and rallied the troops. Digg users joined onboard and as of right now there are 118,425 signatures demanding for the end of Boll's filmmaking career.
Only 880,o00-some signatures to go! Nerds unite, you can do it! However, if they mark is reached will Boll quit? It might just make him even madder.
Don't forget, maddog Raging Boll doesn't umm...really responsed well to criticism. He did challenge and fight film critic nerds in a boxing match once (and naturally, he kicked the living piss out of them) and will often tell critics to personally go fuck their mothers if they don't "get" his films.
Vulture points out that Boll still has six films in various stages of production including, the upcoming 9/11 shock satire, "Postal." (ok, maybe not a 9/11 satire, per se, but there's elements of un-PC jokes aimed at the Twin Towers incident in the film ) which hits next month (Boll knows you loathe him, in the trailer he spoofs himself in Lederhosen and says, "my movies are financed with Nazi gold.").
The sad part? These petitioning online nerdlingers don't necessarily want to see the end of blood-and-guts filled video games adaptations. They just don't want Boll to ruin them anymore.
Watch: "Postal" trailer