Indiana Jones The Premiere; Ford Has A "Degree Of Confidence" You May, Possibly, Sort-Of Enjoy This Film... Maybe... Indy 5? No Good Ideas Yet

This is not meant to be a boast or a tease - after all it's "Indiana Jones" and you clearly know by now we don't really care. But we see Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skully-Thingy tomorrow at noon and the film is receiving its "world premiere" tomorrow at Cannes.

France is basically 6 hours ahead, (it's 12:09 a.m. as we speak/write), but presumably the screening will be some sort of gala evening in the evening (presumably?) We will the pleeb blog see it before the rest of the "world"? Surely, bigger-name critics have already seen the film at proper review screenings, no? Something to consider on a Saturday afternoon while having a beer....

Meanwhile, Harrison Ford is convinced you're going to think this is the year's best film. You've gotta love this couched quote. It almost sounds like an apology. "We have a degree of confidence that it will be an experience that people will enjoy," said Ford.

Ha! What is that?!? A "degree of confidence"? Oh, my.

As for the alleged Indy 5? Remember Steven Spielberg and Ford have to OK, George Lucas' terrible ideas. Ideas that he appears to be well aware aren't really adored by anyone. "Harrison, Steven and I haven't talked about it. We can't do it unless I can come up with a good idea, which I haven't."

First 'Toyko!' Review Hits From Cannes; Gondry's Short "Arguably The Best"

A Variety report from Cannes has one of the first reviews of "Tokyo!" - the three-tiered vignette film featuring directors Michel Gondry, Joon-ho Bong and Leos Carax (his first film since 1999's "Pola X," a movie scored by the great Scott Walker).

The review says the film is "uneven, but enjoyable and likens it to a "nastier Eastern sibling to 'Paris, Je T'aime,' " (another vignettes film released last year).

"First and arguably best of the bunch is Gondry's deviously titled "Interior Design," which opens on a dark and stormy night as young, self-deluded aspiring filmmaker Akira (Ryo Kase) and his supportive but directionless g.f. Hiroko (Ayako Fujitani) arrive in Tokyo. Gondry handles the light intrusion of Cronenbergian body-horror with minimal f/x and old-fashioned visual sleight-of-hand, keeping his camera focused on Fujitani's engaging performance. The Gallic helmer may have a reputation for dazzling directorial whimsy, but his restraint pays off here in a work at once poignant and slyly Kafka-esque."

Did Jonah Hill Just Convince Us That The '21 Jumpstreet' Big-Screen Adaptation Isn't A Terrible Idea?

Umm, I think he just did. Which is amazing considering how horrified we were when we first heard about it. "It's going to have some of the funniest people around in it, and it's going to be really funny, I hope," Jonah Hill told MTV on Friday (May 16). "Or we won't make it! If it doesn't turn out funny, I promise you, we will not make it." God if only Hollywood could make and then keep that promise all the time. But Hill makes a charming argument (or he's just charming and we have a man-crush).

Apparently he turned down the role in "Transformers 2" and he tries to be all modest about it, but truthfully it sounds like he didn't want to be part of that stupid film and thank god for that. Hill even has an idea for Johnny Depp to do a cameo in '21' if it happens, but he's skeptical that it'll happen. "We have an awesome thing for Depp, if he'll do it," Hill enthused. "I don't know if he will or not, [but] it's going to be rad!"

Trailer: Rival Assistant Managers Vie For A Better Slot In 'The Promotion'

Now this looks like a comedy we can hang with. "The Promotion" stars John C. Reilly and Sean William Scott as two rival assistant managers of a corporate grocery store vying for a coveted promotion. It has a silly flair, but not absurdly so (think a Will Ferrell comedy if it was a little bit more reigned in or grounded in the indie world and the supporting cast looks great (Jenna Fischer, Lili Taylor, Fred Armisen). Then it could turn out to be average and middling like the indie comedy, "Smart People" (which was ok, but not much to write home about), but it also looks like it has an odd, warm-hearted tone and we're feeling optimistic and tentatively looking forward to this one. Reilly in particular looks really funny.

R-Rated 'Tropic Thunder' Trailer Might Salvage Ben Stiller's Hammy War Comedy

The new redband trailer for Ben Stiller's Vietnam war comedy "Tropic Thunder" is up and we're pleased to see it's a significant improvement from the all-audiences version (you can now see it below).

We're not huge Ben Stiller fans ("Zoolander" is fun we suppose, but overrated, his turn in "Dodgeball" is certifiably heinous) or his comedy, but we loooove the idea of this film. We sometimes just wish someone different was behind it (Stiller wrote the script, stars and directed).

We're also enamored by the concept of Robert Downey Jr. playing a celebrated Oscar-winning actor who takes his job so seriously he undergoes a controversial procedure to change the pigment of his skin so he can authentically play a black soldier in the film, but so far we're not loving what we've seen. Even in this trailer his, "black accent," is all wrong and we're not sure what in blazes he's aiming for.

That said, the trailer is definitely an improvement from what we've seen before, but we're definitely in the minority here as most bloggers and writers are certainly onboard with this picture. We're still not convinced, but this new trailer does make in-roads into changing our minds. Hopefully a youtube clip will be up later.

There are some laughs though including a pretty good diss at the expense of Eddie Murphy and his fat-suit proclivities. As you've probably read, 'Thunder' is about a group of actors shooting a big-budget war movie who are essentially forced to become the soldiers they are portraying when the loose-cannon director (Steve Coogan) sets the loose in the real jungles of South East Asia. We get to see moments of "Simple Jack" - the fake movie within the movie that Ben Stiller's "action-hero" character Tug Speedman stars in (he plays a mentally-retarded farmhand, the critics revile it and the film is a huge bomb, RDJ referenced this weeks ago in an earlier profile), we witness a moment with Danny R. McBride ("Mother nature just pissed her pants suit!" he screams as he lets off huge explosions on set), and a pretty hysterical scene where an Asian kid that Ben Stiller thinks he's adopted tries to stab him to death ("I was wrong!!!," Stiller screams painfully as he's running with the child on his back simultaneously stabbing him with all his repeated little might).

We're still not sold yet, but maybe this thing is getting closer to what we hoped for.

Report: Despite Salacious Sex & Lesbian Scenes, Woody Allen's Barcelona A 'Bust'

Everyone is in Cannes and we're stuck here. :\

Jeffrey Wells has already written his review of Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" and he's calling it a "bust." (it's supposed to come out late August via the Weinstein company).

Not necessarily a shocker. "Match Point" was fantastic, but at this point, looking more like a one-off fluke than a general return to form.

The only parts of Woody Allen's 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' that feel truly alive and crackling are the Spanish-language scenes between Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz. These two, portraying a pair of identically tempestuous, self-obsessed painters whose marriage has fallen apart due to an overload of heat and impulse and Spanish vinegar, are dynamite together. They create spark showers when they rage and taunt and rekindle their mutual hunger and disharmony. Cruz, especially, is electricity itself. When she loses her temper, it's sheer bliss.

Boos and jeers hit once the credits rolled and Wells, who once asked director "3:10 to Yuma" director James Mangold for allegedly circulating nude shots of his actress Vinessa Shaw, didn't even mention the allegedly tantalizing sex scenes. This does not bode well. Then again, maybe Woody was telling the truth.

Sort of fair and balanced Update: "[Woody] “Allen has created one of his best works in years, a film that is funny, philosophical, and imaginatively explorative of the meaning of love and desire.” - says Cinematical, but to be honest, we don't really trust these guys as far as we can throw them.

It's Funny 'Cuz It's True...

'Nuff said.

Michael Moore: 'Farenheit 9/11.5' Is Not A Sequel, Jackasses

Michael Moore thinks you're dumb. Yes, he's doing a follow-up to his provocative documentary "Fahrenheit 9/11," about the events and aftermath of the terrorist attacks of September, 11, 2001, but no, the film is not a "sequel," and if you use that language, well you're just a big jackass (or something).

"To just say it's a sequel is so wrong," Moore told The Associated Press on Friday at the Cannes Film Festival (he's currently there trying to sell it though it's still a work in progress).

Back in 2004, the sequel, er follow-up film was to be titled, "Fahrenheit 9/11 and 1/2," and was supposed to be ready and released for the time of the upcoming election, but unless it's mostly shot and we're all unaware of it, this seems unlikely. Update: Reuters says Moore says, film will probably come out this time next year. He also told the news outlet the the film will be very controversial. "It's something I shouldn't make, something that is dangerous," he said.

Back to Cannes present: "It would be easier and safer to make a sequel, if that's all it was, but this isn't about Bush," the tumescent documentarian said. "We all know this. Regardless of who the president is come November, we have a big mess, a big, big mess to be cleaned up, and I don't know whether it can be cleaned up. The toxicity of the spill may be so great that there's nothing we can do about it. If that's the case, where are we now as America and as Americans?"

The film doesn't have a title yet and Moore spent the rest of the entire AP interview saying that Bush is bad, and citing percentages and facts that Republican websites went to immediately debunk via the internets.

"What I'm going to say in this film is what probably 70 percent of them (audiences) don't want to hear."

Isn't It Odd How Scandinavian Women Can Look Like They Have Down-Syndrome And Still Look Beautiful At The Same Time?

"Reprise," a Norwegian film about would-be author friends who submit their manuscripts on the same day and endure the pangs of love, depression and burgeoning artistic careers together, comes out this weekend New York and L.A. It's supposed to be really good.

Famous Film 'Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation' Finally Shown In Hollywood - See Some Of It Below; Plus Lucas Talks Indy 5

Over the year's you've surely heard of the legendary, but little-seen "Raiders of The Lost Ark: The Adaptation." The L.A. Times explains the backstory about 3 pre-teens who remade the film shot for shot on the super-cheap in their backyards back in the early '80s. The film would go on to become cult phenomenon, but rarely screened (shock horror director Eli Roth described as "the Ark of the Covenant of underground tapes." )

The legend of the film is well-known in Indy circles. In 1982, three friends -- Chris Strompolos, Eric Zala and Jayson Lamb -- got together to begin a shot-for-shot re-creation of "Raiders," a film that had been released just a year before. Their ambitions were huge -- they committed to re-creating every single effects shot, including the giant rolling boulder at the film's beginning.

Vanity Fair wrote an incredibly comprehensive feature on it back in 2004 called "Raiders of the Lost Backyard" and they called the inspired little film, "a tale of love, obsession, and pissed-off moms." Well, since "Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls" is right around the corner (and we're actually going to see it early this weekend), we figured we'd show it since hardly anyone's ever seen it. Plus, hey, almost 10 minutes of the apparently 100 minute film (!) was uploaded to YouTube today. The film was shown for the first time ever in Hollywood this week. ] After all the fuss in 2004 when the film was "re-discovered" (around the time of the Vanity Fair article), Scott Rudin and Paramount Pictures purchased the trio's life rights and are producing a film based on their adventures creating the kids' remake with Daniel Clowes writing the script.

And don't miss this gem that George Lucas just told Fox News about the possibility of an Indy 5. "I haven’t even told Steven [Spielberg] or Harrison [Ford] this," he said. "But I have an idea to make Shia [LeBeouf] the lead character next time and have [Ford] come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out."

We're sure you can see them working out. Just like those 'Star Wars' prequels, huh?

Oh and Harrison just responded to Lucas' comments. "I have no cheeky answer for [that]. I just work here. I'm glad to work here," Ford told MTV News at the Cannes Film Festival on Friday (May 16). "Till they tell me otherwise, I will continue to be Indiana Jones."

'Love Guru' Soundtrack Gives Us Deeper Clues To Just How Painful Mike Meyers Comedy Will Likely Be

You've seen "The Love Guru" trailer and you've cringed in pain over just how unbelievably unfunny and terrible it looks. We actually shuddered the first time we saw it, it's wretched.

The film is tracking incredibly poorly right now, but we honestly think stupid audiences are going to go see this in droves regardless (we'd love to be proven wrong though).

Here's an amusing rumor via Slate.

"The impossibly difficult Mike Myers is said to be driving the folks at Paramount so crazy that some say—jokingly, we think—that the studio set the film to open in June against the presumably more commercial 'Get Smart' as payback."

Not the first time we've read that Mike Meyers is supposedly an insufferable prick and extremely difficult to work with. Well, the good part is Meyers is going to be singing his heart out seemingly through the entire movie! He sings Dolly Parton's "9 To 5," Steve Miller's "The Joker" and Extreme's "More Than Words," in the film and those scenes will surely be the typically painful Meyers smarmy mugging moments that can turn even the bravest audiences stomaches. I mean you have Justin Timberlake in this film as a French-Canadian hockey player and perhaps the only potentially funny element of this film, why not maybe get him to do a new song? Nope, not happening. The saving grace on this thing is the Cornershop song, it's an old gem.

The soundtrack is due June 17 the movie comes out June 20 for the morbidly sick and curious. Oh, and it looks like the producers of this film don't quite get the viral marketing thing yet.

"The Love Guru" soundtrack tracklist.
01. Morning Meditation - Andrew Mendelson
02. 9 To 5 - Mike Myers
03. Brimful Of Asha (Norman Cook Remix) - Cornershop
04. Stop Hitting Yourself (dialog) – Mike Myers
05. More Than Words - Mike Myers and Manu Narayan
06. The Joker - Mike Myers
07. Lead Me To Your Rock -Telma Hopkins and Toronto Children’s Concert Choir
08. Big Boi - B.A.S.K.O.
09. C'est La Vie - Robbie Nevil
10. I Drove All Night - Celine Dion
11. My Name Is Guru Pitka (dialog) – Mike Myers
12. Mere Mitwa Mere Meet Re - Lata Mangeshkar and Mohd Rafi
13. Guru Vindaloo - George S. Clinton
14. Mathar - Danny Saber
15. Guru Lineage (dialog) – Mike Myers
16. Guru Pitka Chant - Guru Pitka's Ashram Band

Damage Control? M. Night Shamalamding-Dong Tries To Circumvent Bad 'Happening' Press By Intro'ing New Clip And Telling Us How Genius He Is.. Yet Again

The Interweb works fucking fast, we all chew 'em up and spit 'em out. Yesterday Collider wrote an early review of scary director M. Night Shamalamding-dong's latest fright-fest "The Happening," and now that film officially has bad buzz. The perception is set in stone and nothings going to change that short of a miracle (see "The Incredible Hulk" and how they steered the negative buzz rather effectively in the last few weeks, though it's not clear if the film is out of the woods yet).

So in what looks like a counter-programming move, a bunch of "The Happening" scenes have been released to Yahoo trailers to perhaps correct the negative trajectory of yesterday. The movie clip itself is terrible and laughable, but what's even worse is M. Night himself has to fucking introduce the clips and his giant-sized ego grates and grates as he pontificates away on how awesome he and his idea are and how very-scary his new film is.

I'm a genius and you know that other brilliant idea I was writing? Well, this one is even better!: "It's a movie that came to me all at once with this horrific end of the world idea. And it felt so exciting that I immediately threw out what I was writing and I starting writing this new movie!" he says off the top clearly pleased with himself. We should all be so blessed.

He compares his own work to "The Godfather" and "The Exorcist," or at least this is what he was aspiring for.
"I'm making my first R-rated movie - it's the scariest movie I've ever made," he says with that, "No, seriously," look. What the hell is going to say, "It's actually not quite as scary as I hoped."

Apparently there's a "lot of taboo" in the film (??) and you'll seriously shit your pants according to the director of the film who in no way is a biased about the genius work he's just created. M. Night walks you through exactly how you're going to feel. After all he knows...
"There's a lot of taboo in the movie which really is a very scary moment to see that you go, "I'm not really going to see this am I???' and then you see it! And you're just shocked, you're mouth is hanging open! When we screened it for the first time people came out of the theater so shaken and they just stood outside holding their arms. And I was like, 'This is good!' "

Thanks, buddy. We feel soooo connected to this film and what it's all about now, we feel like we don't even need to see it!

The Trades Called Out - Variety & Hollywood Reporter Don't Attribute?

The online movie blogging world is sick of being dismissed and ignored by the "real media."

Or at least movie site Collider is. One of their writers has evidently kept their mouths shut for months, but apparently can't take it any more and called out Variety and the Hollywood Reporter for consistently re-writing stories broken on various movie blogs first and then reporting them within a bubble, pretending that the story didn't exist until they wrote it and never giving any accreditation. In a piece called "When Will Variety and The Hollywood Reporter Credit Online Websites for Breaking a Story?," he writes:

"The thing that bothers me the most is we link to [those publications] almost everyday. Look on Collider right now and you’ll see tons of links to Variety. We always credit them like we do for any website when they break a story. While you might think I’m complaining over nothing, trust me, ask any webmaster on any of the big movie sites and they’ll have at least one example of a story being stolen with no credit given. And the reason it really gets under my skin is pretty simple, unlike Variety and The Hollywood Reporter which are GIVEN their major scoops by the [p.r. and publicity people working those projects], all of us in the online community work extremely hard to get anything."

And therein lies the rub, huh? We kinda want to say, "no shit, Peter Pan, this is how it works, deal with it," but the dude is totally right. The piece goes on (and on) citing a number of apparent journalistic infractions, but then sort of rambles on with typical blogger redundancy (guys, sometimes you don't help your own case).

We're used to being ignored, but it's sort of the way the world works, no? But we guess that doesn't make it right. But understand, no one likes to be shown up and journalists who get paid to do their job certainly don't like to get shown up by people (bloggers) that are generally mediocre writers, glorified-fanboys, uneducated in the field and sometimes not even paid to do the work they're sometimes better at (sorry, we don't mean to shit on our brethren but we call it as we see it and try not to have any allegiances).

But movie bloggers get scoops and they're good at digging up news. That's the job. Egos will always be involved when it comes to bragging rights on a story and no major publication likes to admit they weren't there first (esp places like Variety and the Hollywood Reporter that both like to assume they are the two top dogs in the game, which in many ways they are).

This same contentious issue is one that pops up in the music reporting world all the time as well. We've noticed a small to medium shift in this area with major music publications like MTV and Rolling Stone, starting their own blogs that acknowledge us pleebs, but in the movie world there's very few major publications period and most of them are loathe to even acknowledge each other's existence - and it's been that way for years.

Are the times 'a changing? Certainly some writers are nervous. We've heard more than one paid journalist bitch about bloggers, their lack of quality and their fan-boy-like sycophantic reporting, but with an obvious undercurrent of frustration by the new competition on the block that can play a bit more fast and loose with the rules to their advantage. Having been on both sides of the fence we can definitely understand both points of view.

Our assumption is many a movie blog is going to weigh in later today and it'll be very interesting to hear what some of the more intelligent blogs (Hollywood Elsewhere, SpoutBlog, Glen Kenny, GreenCine) have to say about it (sorry, we don't really think AICN, or JoBlo will have much insight here despite all the scoops the get). Will any of it promote any change in the accreditation field? Who knows, but stay tuned for updates if you care at all about this inside-baseball subject.

And case in point. Earlier today our eye-roving friends at the DailySwarm hipped us via email to the fact that Consequences of Sound had noted that Arcade Fire singer Win Butler said, "hey man, we're not doing the Richard Kelly soundtrack despite what everyone says." The DailySwarm linked our story on their site (cause we sent them to it) and Pitchfork media who originally reported what now is an error, saw it there (obviously) and then reported it an hour and half later within a bubble. Is that right? Does every trail of attribution need sourcing at all times? Should we have wrote that the Swarm emailed us the original story? Is it open source information? It's hard to say. We'll just put it out there and let you decide, but feel free to write in our comments section. This one has lots of shades of gray and at the very least its an interesting debate.

Update: Some surprisingly salient and grown-up debate has begun over in the comments section (of all places) at Hollywood Elswhere, both sides make strong and valid points. Worth checking out if you're into this story. We do like the argument that bloggers should try to refrain from just posting any old rumor that comes there way and attempt a little bit of digging around before they post something. If the standards are raised and less stories are proven to be bullshit, the more reason "legitimate" publications will feel less dubious sourcing blogs.

Arcade Fire Not Doing Score For Richard Kelly's 'The Box' According To Lead Win Butler

Win Butler is not impressed at the moment and certainly not impressed with "Donnie Darko" director Richard Kelly, and engineer Markus Dravs and bloggers and "interweb writers."

According to the Win's blog on the Arcade Fire site, (via consequences) despite reports to the contrary, the Montreal orchestral rockers are NOT composing the score to Richard Kelly's sci-fi, horror drama, "The Box."

On May 12 Kelly wrote on his myspace page, "We're starting to work with a very famous band who is honoring us with being the first fillmmakers they've ever scored a film with."

Then Arcade Fire engineer Marcus Dravs was seemingly crystal clear on who that "very famous band" was. "Finished Coldplay's forthcoming album Viva La Vida - now off to Canada to work with Arcade Fire on a soundtrack for the forthcoming Richard Kelly film, he wrote on his website (note: all references of that story is now gone).

But apparently both of them spoke out of turn as Win clarified today.

"Hi everyone. Just to let you all know that (Internet-based fact checking aside) Arcade Fire is NOT doing the soundtrack to any film. We are all off for the summer, writing songs, reading books and keeping our plants alive. Regine, Owen Pallet [violinist Final Fantasy] and I may do an instrumental piece or two for Richard Kelly's new movie...we met at a show this year and hit if off, but we are not planning on doing any major work for a while, and this would not constitute a soundtrack or a release."

Pitchforkmedia originally reported the news so the blame for this incorrect story should fall on them, yes? ;) To be fair, the ducks did seem to be in a row especially with Dravs writing what he did. But Butler seems to be pretty firm; not a soundtrack, maybe an instrumental track or two. Surely Dravs got a handwrist slap and Kelly got an annoyed phone call. Like we said previously, the Arcade Fire like to be in control. Maybe they read our post and were like, "oh man, they're right! This is a bad idea!" Or as Idolator specifically says, maybe they just finally rented "Southland Tales" and were rightly aghast.

'Nailed' Production Shut Down... Again

Bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down.

Ah, the world of indie financing. 'Nailed,' the political satire by loose-cannon director David O. Russell, had it's production shut down for a weekend and then it was back up and running three days later.

Guess what? The troubled production has been shut down again.

Crews actually refused to work on Thursday (May 15) when there was more financial difficulties and monies weren't paid.

Members of the Intl. Alliance of Theatrical & Stage Employees were ordered by IATSE leaders not to show up at the South Carolina set after not being paid. Capitol Films, which is financing the political comedy, was not immediately available for comment. One source familiar with the situation said production's expected to resume Friday.The Screen Actors Guild told its members last week to stay off the "Nailed" set after Capitol failed to deposit enough required money in SAG accounts set up to pay the actors.

Blah, blah, blah, more details, essentially Capitol films is having trouble ponying up the dough. The film has already had actors quit (James Caan), others allegedly act like divas and sounds generally cursed.

"Nailed" stars Jessica Biel as a socially awkward, uninsured receptionist who accidentally gets shot in the head with a nail. She goes to Washington on a crusade to fight for the rights of the bizarrely injured and meets an immoral congressman played by Jake Gyllenhaal who takes advantage of her sexually and politically. "Nailed" was written with Al Gore's daughter, Kristin and O. Russell.

Pineapple Express: The P-Review - Much Like 'Tango & Cash': Funny And Violent

Last night our infrequent deep-throat contributor Mr. Snruff snuck into a screening of the Judd Apatow-produced, David Gordon Green-directed action comedy, "Pineapple Express."

It's probably one of our most anticipated films of the summer (where the hell's the summer preview piece already?), but we wanted to keep our expectations low just so we weren't disappointed.

But our contributor whole-heatedly loved it and kept pinging us with effusive and glowing emails about it late last night. Some small spoilers ahead, but nothing major.

The Music
- M.I.A.'s Paper Planes (featured in the trailer) was NOT in the movie.
- Eddie Grant - "Electric Avenue" (this is one of the first songs you hear)
- Falco - Der Kommissar
- Bone Thugs & Harmony - 1st of the Month
- Bel Biv Devoe - Poison
- Huey Lewis and the News - Pineapple Express (song is about getting high - pretty amazing)
- Others: Shaq, Bob Marley, Public Enemy (pretty sure it was PE #1, not 100% tho), Mountain (I think it was "Southbound Train," but not 100% on this)
-Seth Rogan's character DEFINITELY had a Cypress Hill ringtone [ed. niiice]
One awesome musical reference: Seth Rogen tells his gf that she's going to go away to college and 'start listening to Godspeed You Black Emperor or the Shins or something and start hating men and become a lesbian' (paraphrasing here)

There's been a few reports out there that 'Pineapple' is a lot more violent then people are expecting and Snruff echoed that sentiment. "The movie was bloody and hysterical. It was definitely like no other movie I've ever seen," he/she wrote seemingly out of breath. " [There's] lots of killing, at least 12 on camera deaths, and lots of blood. Insane. PS Danny R. McBride is a scene stealer."

"Did you read the comparison to 'Tango and Cash'? After I read that I was like 'EXACTLY!' Funny and violent."

Color us psyched.

M. Night Shamalamading-Dong Ready For Another Disastrous Showing? Looks Like It

M. Night whatshisface-amalayyaan is seriously the worst.

The guy's oh-so-scary films are about as frightening as your grandmother's gin rummy games (oooh, a twist ending!) and the notorious narcissist has had the audacity to not only cast himself as the "brilliant and misunderstood" writer of the alarmingly vile, "The Lady In The Water," but he also basically commissioned a shrill and whiny propaganda book about why mean ol' Disney couldn't understand the genius of the aforementioned film, called "The Man Who Heard Voices: Or, How M. Night Shyamalan Risked His Career on a Fairy Tale," (we're not making that up).

"A work about the making of the new film, the book so echoes its subject’s point of view (he’s the sensitive artiste, misunderstood by his old studio, Disney) that it reads like an act of ventriloquism," wrote the New York Times (Disney passed on 'Lady' much to Night's shock and wounded pride; Warner Bros. were stupid enough to eventually pick it up)

Then there was the 2004 faux TV film about the making of his other dark , but lame-duck fairy tale, "The Village," knowingly called “The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan.” It was presented as an unauthorized bio of the "reclusive" director, but turned out to be another self-absorbed project disguised as self-aware satire and pre-promotion for the film.

So it's with much schadenfreude that we're happy to hear (via vulture) that early reviews of his new film, "The Happening" by even his biggest fans claim the movie is another patended Shamalamading-Dong turd-ball.

Collider has a review from a self-professed Night-fan (dude, we wouldn't say that aloud). The film is supposed to be a "paranoid thriller about a family on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity." The review reads:

" 'The Happening' is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping 'they can't really be serious, can they?' kind of way."

You can't measure how much the above graph amuses us. GIGANTIC SPOILER (don't read if you want to see this film): The utterly hillarious and ridiculous part of this film? It's plants and trees that are responsible for the destruction of earth! "They've decided to wipe out humanity and release the neuro-toxin as their natural weapon. What Shyamalan quickly finds, though, is that it's very, very hard to menacingly cut to an evil-looking tree. That doesn't stop him from trying, though, and he inexplicably adds wind as a way of livening up the scenes. When the leaves of a tree start to blow, evil's afoot. It's really, really hard not to laugh at and there's even a real groaner of a gag-scene wherein Wahlberg timidly apologizes to a houseplant only to find that it's made of rubber. Really," the review writes.

Wow, that's just amazingly awesome. Maybe we will go see this. Too funny. Btw, "Lady In The Water" reviews are a hilarious joy to behold. We suggest for further amusement you read the Rotten Tomatoes and Meta-Critic responses. Choice selection from the Wall Street Journal: "This cloying piece of claptrap sets a high-water mark for pomposity, condescension, false profundity and true turgidity -- no small accomplishment for the man whose last two features were the deadly duo "Signs" and "The Village."

Werner Herzog & David Lynch Together At Last: Hopefully This Won't Be Like Chewing Nuts And Gum At The Same Time

Maybe he's already trying to make amends for the bad 'Lieutenant' idea? This is rather odd, but geniusly demented. German filmmaker Werner Herzog will be teaming up with director turned transcendental-meditation enthusiast David Lynch for the murderous horror-drama "My Son, My Son." The script was written by Herzog and his longtime assistant director Herbert Golder and is loosely based on the true story of a disturbed man who acts out a Sophocles-like play in his mind and kills his mother. The project is said to be low-budget, shot in a digital video guerrilla-style (read: it will look like total ass) The film is tentatively set for March. We would pay copious amounts of money to be just an intern on that film set. [Hollywood Reporter]

Additionally, Lynch's production company Absurda is also backing '60s crackpot, Alejandro Jodorowsky’s next film, which is being described as a “metaphysical spaghetti gangster film,” set to star Udo Kier, Nick Nolte, Asia Argento and Marilyn Manson as prophet in the "Sin City"-style film. There's apparently enough sex and violence to guarantee it an NC-17 rating. Well, that's definitely something to write home about.

After much speculation on which book he'd actually be adapting, "Juno" director Jason Reitman has finally revealed that his next film will be an adaptation of the novel, "Up in the Air" by author Walter Kirn. The story chronicles a ruthless human resources exec in zealous pursuit of his millionth frequent flyer mile because his life otherwise sucks. Kirn previously wrote "Thumbsucker," which was nicely adapted by director Mike Mills in 2005. [Variety]

Daniel Day-Lewis is in talks to take over Javier Bardem's role in the Broadway musical adaptation of "Nine," which itself was a quasi-adaptation of Fellini's surrealistic classic, "8 1/2." Bardem left the project during awards season cause he was too exhausted with receiving accolades and Ocsars to bother thinking about it. Day-Lewis is notoriously picky about choosing roles and can sit on a project for years, but French tinkerbell Marion Cotillard, plus Penelope Cruz, Sophia Loren, Nicole Kidman, and Judi Dench are already on board the project, so that sounds rather hard to resist. Plus Harvey Weinstein is far, far up his ass at the very moment and the film is supposed to start shooting in the fall. Our odds have Day-Lewis caving. Rob Marshall who directed "Chicago" will helm. [Variety]

Arthur Lee Documentary "Love Story' Due July 29 On DVD

The feature-length documentary about mercurial frontman Arthur Lee and his proto-psychedelic rock band Love, will finally see a release on DVD later this summer on July 29.

Produced and directed by first-time film makers Chris Hall & Mike Kerry, "Love Story," the film was originally shot in 2005 and '06 and had its world premiere at the 50th London Film Festival in October 2006 (its US premiere came in 2007 at the Los Angeles Film Festival, but never did find a regular theatrical release).

Lee die in Memphis at the age of 61 following a battle with acute myeloid leukaemia, but the film features interviews with him, plus all surviving original band members, Johnny Echols, Michael Stuart, Alban 'Snoopy' Pfisterer, as well as never-bef0re seen footage of the late Bryan Maclean. The doc aslo boasts the inclusion of Elektra Records head Jac Holzman, producer Bruce Botnick, The Doors' John Densmore, and Bobby Gillespie & Mani from Primal Scream.

The story of Love is a rather tragic one. The group were on top of the flower-power acid-rock scene in the '60s and made big fans out of Jimi Hendrix and the Doors, but rampant heroin addiction soon ripped the band apart.

Lee soldiered on with various unimpressive line-ups that did little to buoy the Love reputation. From there, he went mostly batshit crazy, constantly displaying erratic behaviour and having several brush-ups with johnny law. In 1996 he was finally incarcerated for six years on firearms offences. Conviction overturned in 2001, Lee got his shit together and started playing out again under a new Love banner, played a series of successful shows, and was able to see the band's reputation restored and the re-fetting of the seminal 1967 album Forever Changes before his death in August of 2006.

Lee died shortly after the filming was completed. The DVD will contain a hour of bonus material, including interview footage with Lee, Ken Livingstone, Mick & John Head from Shack, Mike Randle & Rusty Squeezebox and performance footage from Alban "Snoopy" Pfisterer. Liner notes were affectionately penned by Love-enthusiast Primal Scream's Bobby Gillespie.

Bored With Reporters And Needing Something To Talk About, Mike Judge Vaguely Considers Live-Action 'Beavis & Butthead'

After years of loathing the very idea of a live-action "Beavis & Butthead" movie, creator Mike Judge is now relaxing his grip as he gets a little older and the cash-flow gets a little lighter and at least considering the possiblity of such a film.

"I haven't yet said, 'OK, I wanna make a live-action 'Beavis & Butt-Head' movie, and here's the idea.' But for some reason, I used to hate the idea for years, and now I think maybe there's something there," Judge told MTV.

Who would play the parts? There's no one set yet. When the MTV writer suggested Sean William Scott, Judge thought it might not be a bad idea and remembered a time when two famous acting friends wanted the roles.

"I guess Seann William Scott's kinda got Butt-Head eyes," Judge said to the possible casting idea. "A long time ago, Johnny Depp had said to me that he really wanted to play Beavis. ... He was doing that ['Don Juan DeMarco'] movie with Marlon Brando, and he said Marlon Brando used to imitate Butt-Head, and he would do Beavis."

Let's face it though, it's not gonna happen though and Judge says as much. "Casting is bad enough as it is. I don't know if I want to sit through a casting session trying to find the live-action Beavis & Butt-Head," he laughed.

Will Ferrell Was Almost Sort Of Killed By The 'Semi-Pro' Grizzly Bear

Do you remember that scene in "Semi-Pro" where Will Ferrell's character wrestles a bear in hopes of increasing audience attendance for his pathetic basketball team the Michigan Tropics?

It's a funny scene in an otherwise mirthless and forgettable film.

But yeah, so that Grizzly bear just killed someone, namely the trainer that worked with the animal on the set of the Ferrell comedy.

Ferrell actually (almost, not really) had a brush with death.

“You know, honestly, it was very sad,” the “Semi-Pro” star told MTV in an uncharacteristically somber moment. “I feel for the trainer and his family. It was kind of a tough situation, obviously, for him and that profession and that sort of thing, and I was shocked.”

You knuckleheads! Two words people: Timothy Treadwell.

Ferrell says, don't worry, I was the star, I was in my trailer anytime that bear was around. "I was never in the same vicinity of the bear when we shot the movie,” he said.

Figures...

David Gordon Green Talks Stoner Medieval Movie 'Your Highness'

With "Pineapple Express" right around the corner, everyone's saying indie movie fans should prepare to say goodbye to director David Gordon Green who's likely going to take a leap into the major leagues with this mainstream, Judd Apatow-produced comedy.

However, maybe its surefire success will give DGG the juice to put some of his eclectic and myriad projects into fruition. Like the medieval stoner movie he's working on right now with his longtime buddy Danny R. McBride called "Your Highness."

"It's a medieval movie, so we want a bunch of Ray Harryhausen 'Clash of the Titans' effects. We've been watching 'Beastmaster' and 'Yor, the Hunter From the Future.' We want to make a movie on a big scale, but utilizing pre-CGI effects like matte painting, animatronics, and puppets. It's about a prince who smokes weed and fights dragons."

Green mentioned the project briefly in various interviews promoting "Snow Angels," but this is the first time he's really spilled the beans on the project. McBride who will be seen later this summer in his kung-fu comedy, "The Foot Fist Way," and Ben Stiller's "Tropic Thunder," got his acting start in DGG's relationship drama, "All The Real Girls."

Wait, is this the same medieval movie Green wants to make with dwarves and Peter Dinklage? Sure sounds like it. McBride is being called one of Hollywood's fastest rising comedians, so we'll see, but a little preview: "The Foot Fist Way," was unfortunatley not very good at all aside from a few very funny, but scattered laughs.

As for "Pineapple Express"? Green hopes it plays out a lot like 1980's action film, "Tango & Cash," no really.
"It was the perfect '80s buddy/action movie: It took all the clichés that had come before it and put it all into one movie," he told the Village Voice. "When we were going into productionon Pineapple Express, [co-writer/star Seth Rogen] and I wanted that kind of tone, where [the movie] was taking itself seriously but mocking itself also."

The Moldy Peaches Pay Off Massive Credit Card Debt With Tweaked Juno Song For Atlantis Resorts

I mean, that must be why, right? Not that the Moldy Peaches were the most punk-rock band in the world, but they were relatively subversive with their inappropriate and amusing bathroom humor and songs about crack and whatnot, right?

They appeared on "The View," and then mocked it with typical too-cool-for-school irreverance, played off every commercial post-"Juno" experience as a chore, but how are they supposed to explain this ad for Atlantis Resorts that uses the pregnant-teen comedy track, "Everyone But You," with grossly tweaked lyrics to reflect the sunny, fun time you're going to have laying out in the sun and drinking margs until your lobster red?

Rolling Stone, who has the exclusive on the video it seems, says the band rewrote the song for Bahama-themes resort, but clearly it's not the Peaches themselves singing the track. Sample lyrics: “Let’s go ride a couple of dolphins/Or maybe play tennis/Or do some golfing,” it's shameless as all get out, but maybe they just gave the company the rights to fuck with the song?

Not that it's that much more noble, but if Kimya and Adam weren't fucking high as balls on PCP when they tweaked this song then one of or both of them has a serious cocaine problem that has pushed them far back into the red. There can't be any other logical explanation, the track is just abysmal in this new form. Man, if this track annoyed you before, prepare to stick soldering irons into your ears about 10-seconds in. [Excellent image "borrowed" from the fine folks at Exclaim]

Crobsy Stills Nash & Young Documentary, 'Deja Vu' Coming To North America This Summer

Crusty-fart folk-rock documentary "CSNY: Deja Vu" is coming to U.S. theaters proper this summer thanks to Lionsgate and Roadside Attraction who have picked up the flick for North American distribution.

The Crobsy Stills Nash & Young live concert documentary, aimed at creating political irritable bowel syndrome for Bush, his cronies and his supporters will hit 15 major cities in July and for that aggressively passive audience who doesn't like vote - you can also get it at the same time on Netflix and Video on Demand (why don't you just write-in for Ross Perot while you're at it too?).

The film premiered earlier this year at the Sundance Film Festival in Utah and was directed by Bernard Shakey (Young's filmmaking nom de plume) and chronicled the super-old group's 2006 "Freedom of Speech" tour in support of Young's Living in War album (you know the one you were totally apathetic about? Remember? You ordered in Dominoes that night). The band had hoped to release it before the November election in order to "encourage debate" and surely enough, you're going to be sitting on your couch in August and asking yourself that important question, "Honey, should we turn this shit off or watch that 'My Two Dads' re-run again?"

Living In War, tested the limits of even the most ardent Neil Young fans and the featured cut, "Let's Impeach The President," definitely confused audiences who never had a clue what the fuck he was singing about all these years aside from rockin' out in the free world.

People would literally wish Young and co. ass cancer from the stands when the band would play politically-charged material from the album and that made the tour experience quite harrowin. "It was intense in Georgia. I was a nervous wreck by the end of that tour," Young told Rolling Stone in January. "I never want to do another tour like that in my life. I mean, that was so different from every other tour I've done."

What exactly made him nervous? Oh, you know, casual shit like death threats, fans glaring at you with dagger eyes and bomb-sniffing dogs, you know, your regular kind of tour.

"Just getting up in front of a lot of people giving you the finger makes you [edgy]...when you know that some of them are really going to be angry at you...it's a volatile situation, people have been drinking, whatever — you know, it makes you nervous." And how.

Sounds like the tour of a lifetime.
Watch: 'CSNY: Deja Vu' On Sundance Channel ("Our audience are republicans, we spurred the debate, we made them react.")

Did Someone Buy Paul Thomas Anderson An XBox For Xmas? Nope! Silly Story Debunked

Ah, thank god! We've been sitting on this one all day in hopes of it clearing up (before we too looked like jackasses). There were a few unbelievable and very-dubious reports today that Paul Thomas Anderson, director of "There Will Be Blood" would dumb down his shit to tackle a video game adaptation of "Metal Gear Solid." It seemed way off-base and ridic and especially since there's another director called Paul W.S. Anderson, a hack who did game adaptations like, "Resident Evil."

Apparently Paul was interested, however, it never became clear which Paul that was. Some confirmation wires got crossed, and then the next thing you know PTA directing Video Game movie!

But alas, no, the rumor is "completely false and ridiculous" (no shit). And thank god for that. What, did he all of a sudden get a console for Xmas and decide, "hey, this would make a great movie!?" In the name of good taste, thank Allah! All's well that ends well.

Cannes: Music Edition - Oldham In Reichardt's 'Wendy & Lucy,' Santaolalla For Salles' 'Lina'; More

The Cannes Film Festival is in full swing and they've been kind enough to post all their film press information online which has made our job that much easier (thanks!). Yes, Indiana Jones is plastering it's shit all over the place, but it's not even in competition and there's a lot of more interesting films there worth mentioning.

It's been two years since Kelly Reichardt directed Will "Bonnie Prince Billy" Oldham in the understated indie classic, "Old Joy," but the two will work together again her latest film, "Wendy & Lucy." The mostly hirsute indie rocker will play the so-far nebulous character of "Icky." Yo La Tengo wrote the serene score to "Old Joy," but it's unknown so far if she'll be tapping any indie-friendly bands to goose her scenes so far (plus YLT will be busy with Greg Mototalla). If you happen to see this at Cannes and are reading this, definitely email us. The story centers around a woman (Wendy played by Michelle Williams) driving her dog (Lucy) to Alaska in hopes of finding lucrative fishing work, but when he car breaks down, her financial situation does the same and she's forced to deal with the dire circumstances.

We're huge fans of Gustavo Santaolalla, the two-year-consecutive Academy Award winning composer of "Brokeback Mountain" and "Babel" (also see his excellent "21 Grams" and "Amores Perros" scores) so it's great to hear he's reteaming with "Motorcycle Diaries" director Walter Salles' latest film, "Linha De Passe." After the sub-par showing in his English language debut, "Dark Water," it will be nice to see Salles get back to his San Paolo roots and his bread and butter - the travails of living on those harsh streets. The story chronicles four brothers trying to reinvent themselves and desperate to get out of the slums.

Meanwhile, German alt-ambient composer Max Richter, has written the music for "Waltz with Bashir," Ari Folman's animated feature documentary about his own experiences in the first Lebanon war. Richter's "On the Nature of Daylight" and "Horizon Variations" were previously featured in the Will Ferrell dramedy, "Stranger Than Fiction."

Richter recently completed scores for Ben Ferris' "Penelope" and "Hope" by Stanislaw Mucha. Later this year his music will be heard in the Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley film, "Elegy."

The "Waltz with Bashir"s deeper synopsis:

One night at a bar, an old friend tells director Ari about a recurring nightmare in which he is chased by 26 vicious dogs. Every night, the same number of beasts. The two men conclude that there’s a connection to their Israeli Army mission in the first Lebanon War of the early eighties. Ari is surprised that he can’t remember a thing anymore about that period of his life. Intrigued by this riddle, he decides to meet and interview old friends and comrades around the world. He needs to discover the truth about that time and about himself. As Ari delves deeper and deeper into the mystery, his memory begins to creep up in surreal images...

And of course as reported here earlier today, Jon Brion is composing the score to Charlie Kaufman's surrealist directorial debut, "Synecdoche, New York." One day we will make it Cannes for coverage (one can dream, can't they?). Obviously there are a ton of other films playing at Cannes with a ton of composers making music for them, but these are the films that caught our eye.

Watch: "Waltz with Bashir" trailer